I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
