can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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