you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
