He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
