Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
