today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
