i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
