google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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