So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
