he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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