My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
