o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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