my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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