you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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