You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
