I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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