I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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