Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
