Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
