Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
