between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This house was built for laser tag.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
