I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
