he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
