Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
