What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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