I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
