My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
