dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
