look no pants
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Alive.
So much puke
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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