I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
