Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
