How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
