Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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