Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need moral support for this bender
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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