4 words: hood of his car
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
