She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
