i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
