dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
