I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
