Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
