i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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