i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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