Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
