that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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