I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
