hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
