if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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