I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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