I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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