It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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