Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
