i just made my gag reflex go away.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
