Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
