can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
