I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
