Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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