We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
