Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
