I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
