I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
