She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
