I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
