I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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