but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
