Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize