You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
