please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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