Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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