I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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