I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He better not be in your backpack
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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