i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
