So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize