Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My ass is underappreciated
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
