i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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